The Cellphone
by Alex Took
Summary: Darken Rahl a Dollar Store clerk? Richard a stoner surfer? Kahlan a college geek? Zedd a wild nudist? Richard, Kahlan & Zedd get transported to a modern day beach town parallel universe, meet themselves and discover seeking the help of their alter egos to get home is hard when 'Zedd' refuses to speak English and 'Ricky' says too many 'hellas', 'bros' and 'dudes' to understand him.
1. The Very Smart Smartphone

_**Author's note: **__Takes place in a made up time when Rahl is still living yet they have befriended Cara. Enjoy! :) _

"Corned beef and fresh cabbage, what could be better." Zedd said through a mouthful of food. Richard smirked at the wizard as he buttoned up his boots.

"So while we were sleeping, you slipped off and got yourself full course meal?"

"Not full course, a full course meal would have entailed dessert. Like a persimmon pie..." Zedd's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"I thought the nearby settlement didn't even have a tavern?"

"It doesn't. But there's a farmer's field just west of here. I simply borrowed a few things than in return gave his crops a little boost. By next summer he'll have enough tomatoes to feed a village."

"And the beef...?" Kahlan asked, looking to the mess of red blobs on his plate. Zedd gobbled up his last bite of meat.

"I took a chunk off one of his steer. But don't worry the animal is alive and well. I am a very good at what I do." He wiggled his fingers and his plate became instantly clean.

"The things you'll do for good food..." Richard shook his head at the wizard.

"Stale biscuits and unripe berries can get a little too routine." Zedd strolled off. Richard turned to Kahlan and lowered his voice.

"Does he forget that we all eat the same food?" Kahlan smirked.

"Do you forget I have excellent hearing?" Zedd said from over his shoulder as he disappeared into the trees.

"Sometimes I wish he was just an old man in a robe." Richard said through a smirk.

"If he was, he might drive you even crazier." Kahlan smiled as she rose, dusting off her white dress.

"Next town we hit, we'll get him back." Kahlan smirked in agreement. Zedd quickly reappeared and headed in their direction, his robes falling back into place.

"Well now that that's taken care of we should get moving." Richard fastened The Sword of Truth to his side and Kahlan swung her leather pack onto her shoulder. The threesome headed off towards an expanse of rolling meadows. It was dotted with short willowy trees, whose green leaves were beginning to tint with pink from the nearing Autumn. They strode on through the grasses, enjoying the calmness and beauty of the morning. The sky looked like a painting, an iridescent blue speckled with arrays of solid white clouds. The air was haunted with a chill from the changing seasons, but the sun's warmth was enough to keep a smile on all their faces.

Richard took in the scene around him, they were always in beautiful spots. But they never quite had the time to enjoy them. And this one just seemed special. Different. The further they got into the meadow, the more Richard felt. Something was drawing him deeper into the grasses, and before he knew it, he had veered off towards something in the grass. Veered off away from Kahlan and Zedd and became deaf to them as they called his name. Something was tugging on him like a magnet, but Richard didn't resist because he felt no danger. Just fascination. Then he saw it. Something small and shiny, sparkling in the sun. He stepped over to it, leaning down to inspect the thing.

"Richard! If you've found something don't touch it!" But Richard didn't heard Zedd. The object was the length of his hand and the width of his palm. It's surface was smooth and black. It was thin and had several different shaped holes lining it's edges. It was still pulling on him and Richard became transfixed. He slowly reached out and touched it. Instantly the thing lit up, glowing like white sunlight. There were many small glowing boxes that looked like they were part of this thing, each with a different picture on them.

"Richard..." Zedd said cautiously as he and Kahlan stepped up behind him.

"What...is it?" Kahlan asked, sounding as if she too was beginning to become transfixed. "It isn't good whatever it is." Richard looked over his shoulder, as if he just noticed they were there. His hand still resting on the object.

"Look at this thing, its so beautiful." Zedd looked from Richard to Kahlan, both had a look in their eye. He may have been immune to whatever sorcery was transfixing Richard and Kahlan, but he could observe through their faces and the thing that was transfixing them that that it was too late. Richard had already touched it, there was no going back only forward...

"I've never seen anything like it." Kahlan said.

"Because it is not of this world. This is a rare a powerful form of dark magic. I should have known this was here from the moment we entered the meadow."

"How could this be dark magic, Zedd. Its so..." He became distracted by its glowing colors.

"So dangerous and so out of my power. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do." Kahlan seemed to be slipping in and out of her fascination and turned to the wizard.

"What is going on, Zedd?"

"If I am correct, that thing is an_ A__lium O__rbis_...meaning it came from another world. Another universe. Only a wizard of extreme power could have conjured something like this. And why is something I don't have the answer to. All I know is in a matter of time we will all go away..."

"What do you mean?"

"When Richard touched it, he released its power. And now there's nothing we can do but wait." As long as Kahlan resisted looking at it, she was able to stay with Zedd. Richard on the other hand, was still transfixed.

"If this is from another world, does that mean...?"

"We're all going to be transported there at any moment. So while we still have time we need to make a plan."

"You guys think we could trade this with Rahl?" Richard said but they ignored him.

"How do we get back?"

"I'll only know once we're there. Wherever we end up find cover immediately. With these clothes we may be walking targets. If we get separated, meet-" But Zedd was cut off when a series of strange monotonous sounds streamed from the object. Then a voice echoed out.

"This is the Dollar Tree how c-" And before any of them could react, it all went black.

Water. Salty water. Ocean. Richard looked about, the water was murky. He kicked to the surface and gasped for air. The swells bobbed him about, giving him quick glances of the world around him. The sky looked the same, the sun felt the same, but then he looked to the shore and it certainly did not. He knew how to swim, but never had much time to practice. He began to panic as he noticed how far shore was, then suddenly an hand grabbed him.

Booming vibrations pounded into Kahlan's ears. The wall she was slumped against felt like it was moving. She groaned, pulling out something from under her and tossed it aside. Wherever she was, it was pitch black. Was she in a cage? A cellar? It was a tight space but she could hear someone outside. She fumbled around before finding part of the wall that felt moveable, then she tugged. She pulled a large enough space to climb out. She squinted into the light as she rose. It looked like bedchamber, but it must belong to someone royal, unless this was just the way everyone lived in this world. With soft fluffy floors, thick bedding, books and food everywhere. Kahlan tried to pop her ears as they began to ease out of their attack from the pounding wall. Then she spotted a shadow shifting in a crack in a door and gripped one of her daggers.

Zedd jolted up as if awakening from a restless dream. He slowly looked around, already sweating under his robes from the heat. He looked about and was surprised by what he saw. Surrounding him, was a beach full of people. And everyone was naked. Now Zedd did love to wear his birthday suit, but even this was slightly alarming. Perhaps in this world clothes don't exist, and that's why he was so hot in his robes. Perhaps here, it never got cold. Since he was still wearing his clothing, he looked about for any other clothed people that may be Richard and Kahlan. But they were no where in sight.

_Please review! _:)


	2. Ricky, He's Hella Chill

"Bro!" The hand tightened its grip on Richard's arm, pulling him up onto whatever this person was floating on. "You all right man?" Richard nodded as he mimicked his rescuer's position on this board-like thing.

"Thank you." Richard met the other man's eyes, well what he could see of them. A mop of wet hair was plastering the majority of his face, but a large smile was below it, and an awed expression wouldn't leave his face. Richard figured it was because he must had seen him appear out of no where, but in reality this man was always in awe of everything he saw. However something about this man's face seemed almost eerily familiar.

"Of course bro! What were you doing way the hell out here?" Richard scanned the waters for Kahlan or Zedd, but the only other heads he saw around them were other people floating on boards just like he was. But his brow rose as he watched them right themselves on it before riding the waves towards shore.

"I was, swimming." The man tried to flick his hair from his face in response, but it continued to cling to his face and it didn't appear that he had noticed.

"All right, well you wanna ride to shore?" Richard nodded.

"That would be wonderful. Thank you so much."

"Its hella chill dude, no biggie." Richard pretended not to be confused by some of the words his rescuer was saying, he was just thankful most of the words were in his tongue.

"What's your name?"

"Ricky." He said over his shoulder as they floated down a swell.

"I'm Richard."

"Wooooooooow." Ricky said as if he had never met anyone with the same name before. "Shit man. My like, whole name is Richard too!" That's when it started to hit him, the way Ricky had said Richard. It sounded like how Richard, said Richard. When they got close enough to shore to touch the bottom, Ricky slid off the board and Richard copied him, it was then when he realized he really stood out. Everyone on the beach was scarcely clothed, even Ricky was shirtless and garbed in red pants that cut off at the knee. Though Richard had been so transfixed with the object he had found moments ago, a few of the words Zedd had said stuck in his mind. _With these clothes we may be walking targets. _Richard quickly pealed off his blue tunic and boots, leaving him just in his leather pants. He was sure he still looked strange but at least he was now almost as naked as the rest of them. Richard quickly became nervous when he noticed Ricky staring at him. And that's when he realized The Sword of Truth was gone, it either fell off in the sea or was left behind. He had no weapon if Ricky was to turn on him.

"You're hella ripped! How'd you get that six pack bro? No wait, more like 12 pack." Richard panicked, he knew had to blend in but he only understood about half of what Ricky had just said.

"I uh, I don't know."

"If you say so." Richard looked about, still keeping a look out for Kahlan or Zedd. As he did so he took in his surroundings. The structures lining the beach were taller than castles but seemed to be made of glass. Trees with bare trunks and fluffy green tops dotted a walkway, and people. There were so many people. And so much noise. Where was all that coming from?

"So where you headed bro?" Richard tried to keep his focus on Ricky.

"Not really sure, where are you going?"

"Mi casa, wanna come with me and have a beer?" This man seemed harmless, stupid even. Unless it was an act, Richard decided he should trust him.

"Sure." This was probably his best bet in finding Kahlan and Zedd. He needed to get to know the world, get new clothes and find a horse. But that's when Richard froze in his step. That's where the noise was coming from. They didn't use horses here. They used growlers. Growling grumbling contraptions that wheeled people about. Richard tried to remain calm, tried not to scream or run when one erupted into an ear piercing sound or looked like it was headed right for them. But Ricky didn't react to them, so Richard mimicked him as best he could. He wanted to get away from this place fast, it was so loud. So strange. Then Ricky walked right in the middle of the contraptions' path. He was about to jump out and pull him into safety, when he realized all the contraptions had frozen and a mass of people were crossing the road. At least this world seemed to have some order within all the chaos. Whatever the ground was here was hot and hard, it seemed like everywhere he looked was covered in it. Grey stone of some sort. It was hideous. The only trees he could see were blanketed by a small patch of earth before the stone flooded again.

"So where you from, Bro?"

"Its no where near here, you probably wouldn't know it."

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't. My house is just up to the left." The pair continued up the street and

while Richard continued to notice the differences between this world and his, he began to accept them and stopped having such a reaction. Else he might go mad. There was a set of stairs that led to the front door and Ricky pulled a key out from under the mat. "Best hiding place ever, right? Don't tell anyone." Richard nodded as Ricky unlocked the house and wandered in, jingling his keys. "So this is it, my bach pad." Richard paused in the doorway as he took in the surroundings. It was messy, but what was making the mess besides clothes and plates were unrecognizable things. Little did he know, those things were CD players, an i-pod, soda cans, and a cell phone. Cell phone. The rectangular thing instantly caught Richard's attention. The thing that had sent them to this world looked exactly like that. When Ricky disappeared down the hall, Richard hurried over to it. Careful not to touch it lest the thing shoot him into another world. "You hungry?" Richard jumped back, his hands behind his back. To his surprise, Richard _was_ hungry. After all, he hadn't seen any food all day except Zedd's corned beef meal.

"Yes, I am actually. But if it troubles you-"

"Its chill. I just don't have a big selectioooon." He emphasized the 'o' as he rummaged through the fridge, to which Richard just stared. Wondering how someone could trap so much cold air in a box. But when he started to guess its purpose, he began wishing his world was a little more like this one. "Ham and cheese or pepperoni?" Ricky asked, holding up to hot pockets in his hands. Ham and cheese was the only words he recognized so he agreed to that. "Me too." He grinned before unwrapping them and popping the frozen goods into the microwave. Ricky turned his back to Richard at the right moment, for as the microwave started up and made a loud groaning noise, Richard instinctively reached for his sword, his eyes wide. Ricky turned back around with a bottle in hand and crossed over to Richard who tried to appear calm. "Here you go." Ricky uncapped the two beers and handed one to Richard.

"Thank you." Ricky nodded as he sipped his beer before wandering off down the hallway.

"So, what do you like, do?" Ricky asked from a room around the corner. When Richard realiZedd his drink was some sort of alcohol, he decided it best not to drink it. He needed his wits about him.

"Well, I do a lot." Richard said, not knowing he was referring to a job.

"Niceee. Me too. So you here to visit or what?"

"Yeah, I am trying to find some old friends."

"I know a lotta peeps in this town. I've probably met 'em at a party."

"Its possible." Richard said as he crept back over to the phone. He was an inch away from its shiny, black abyss like surface when the entire thing lit up and a language he couldn't read appeared on the screen. Then, the table it was on began to growl as the thing vibrated several times. Richard readied for whatever was to come. Being transported to another world, being attacked by something or someone. But instead, after a few moments the thing quieted and Ricky re-appeared in the hall, looking like his head was stuck in his shirt. Maybe the thing wasn't evil in this world. But how did one of these end up in his world, and bring him here? There had to be more of these devices, and someone, somewhere had used it against them. _Only a wizard of extreme power could have conjured something like this. _Zedd's words echoed in his mind, and he realized that person could not be Ricky. But before he found whoever that was, he needed to find Kahlan and Zedd.

Ricky said nothing as it began vibrating again.

"I think I'm lost! Shit never mind." He laughed as he tugged it over his head, swiping back his hair, revealing his facial features for the first time. And that's when Richard's mind froze. He stiffened, holding his breath. Ricky was Richard's exact height. Had the exact hair color. Exact face. Ricky looked _exactly_ like Richard. It wasn't as if Richard hadn't seen a lookalike of himself before, but he never expected to see one here. Everything started to fall into place. They hadn't just shot into another world. It was an Parallel Universe. And it probably wasn't sheer luck that landed Richard right beside his alter ego, Kahlan and Zedd must also be with their own. And hopefully, not far off. Ricky stared at Richard for a moment. He waited for him to react. Richard swallowed.

"Dude. You totally remind me of someone." And he walked away, and picked up his phone. Richard was never more thankful of the stupidity he was capable of.

_More to come... but please review! :) _


	3. Kahlan Meets Kayla

Kahlan held her dagger tight as the shadow under the door shifted again. She readied to attack when the door opened. Out walked a girl, adorned in high waisted jeans and an oversized sweater tucked into them. Her dark hair was pulled tight behind a pair of glasses. But under them, was an unmistakable face. Kahlan quickly sheathed the dagger, when the girls eyes fell upon her. She appeared just as shocked to see her own face on another woman. The girl stepped forward, eying Kahlan from head to foot.

"Please, don't be afraid. I-"

"Who are you..."

"I'm not here to harm you." Kahlan said calmly as she read the anxious girl's expression. "I, I didn't mean to be here." The girl adjusted her glasses and kept her icy blue eyes locked on Kahlan's.

"I must be dreaming. I-I've been reading too much lately."

"Look," Kahlan stepped forward. "This isn't a dream, this is just a mistake." Kahlan wasn't expecting this. She never thought she would run into another Kahlan. But she was quickly understanding what Richard had just gone through. She was in an Parallel Universe. But how she was going to explain this to the girl in front of her, she didn't know.

"You're me. I-I mean a more goddessian version of me. But...your face."

"I know this must be hard to understand. But you must listen carefully to me. It was an accident that I came here. Some sort of dark magic-"

"Hold on a second..." The other Kahlan started pacing and biting her nail before she paused in midstep. "You're from an Parallel Universe, aren't you...if you say yes I-"

"Yes, I am."

"Oh my god. Oh my god." She kept repeating. "I knew they were right! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!"

"Who was right?" Kahlan asked, hoping to gain information that would help her return home.

"The scientists the uh, the authors, me! Parallel universes exist. You know, you're lucky your parallel Kayla knows about this stuff. I just...as much as I have always believed in this stuff, I never thought I'd actually see it happen."

"What did you say your name was?"

"Kayla. Is that your name?"

"Almost. My name is Kahlan."

"Well, I'm thrilled to meet you." Kayla reached out to shake Kahlan's hand and the Confessor tried her best to mimic the gesture.

"I'm so grateful to have met you, Kayla. I hate to ask this of you, but do you have any further knowledge on how this works? I'm embarrassed to admit I know very little about it."

"Well..." Kayla pushed her glasses further up her nose. "There are a lot of ways it can happen. And a lot of ways you can get back. Sorry, that wasn't much help."

"Its all right. What I should do first is find my friends."

"Who are they?" Kahlan stepped closer to the girl, trying not to stare at the strangeness of seeing her own eyes look back at her.

"I don't mean to offend you, Kayla. But can I trust you to not tell _anyone_ about me or my friends?"

"I promise!" Kahlan eyed her carefully, and being a confessor she could see Kayla was telling the truth.

"There's a young man with short brown hair, Richard. He's handsome and strong. And a very tall gray haired wizard."

"Wizard?!" Kahlan smirked.

"Yes."

"This is so cool." Kayla wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"I would like to believe they would be nearby, but I'm not entirely certain." Kayla seemed to be getting so excited that the bizarreness of the situation was fading her, and her adrenalin was filling her mind.

"I can't believe you know a wizard. I wish I was me in your universe instead of this one. All I do is read sci-fi and fantasy books and eat peanuts." Kahlan smiled. "And this young man, is he your brother? Husband? I hope he's not your boyfriend or something. I mean no offense, I would just be surprised." Kahlan smirked.

"Well he is a boy and is my friend."

"I just," she sighed. "Boys annoy me. They're so stupid and-" Something vibrated on Kayla's bed. She walked over to it and stared for a moment before letting out a groan. "Speaking of the devil. Sorry, that means, well never mind. A stupid boy just texted me. Oh god, you don't know what that is, right? What most of this is..."

"Kayla, its all right. I've been in strange places before. I just need to find my friends, and if you would be willing to help me I-"

"Of course! Of course! I would love to." The phone vibrated again. Kayla sighed and marched over to it.

"What is that?" Kahlan asked, curious as she headed over to her.

"A device that provides instant communication with someone. And right now I wish it wasn't so instant...a stupid boy keeps messaging me." Kahlan smiled.

"Do you have feelings for this boy?" Kayla clenched her jaw.

"No, he's an idiot." But Kahlan could tell there was a part of her that liked something about this boy.

"What is his name?"

"Ricky. But I'd rather call him Dick." She covered her mouth. "Sorry."

"And why is he an idiot?"

"He smokes a lot of this one kind of plant, that is illegal and when you inhale it, it kills brain cells and makes you act like a fool. He's just a stupid stoner surfer. I don't know why he likes me. And all my friends think I'm the idiot for turning him down." She sighed. "Sorry that was kind of a rant."

"No need to apologize. I've heard of similar stupidity where I come from. Some people just get sidetracked from what's important in life."

"That's true." The phone vibrated again.

"What is it that he wants from you?"

"Hear that?" The booming still shook the wall. "There's a party going on next door. Its already started but its gonna go all night. Ricky is going and he really wants me to go."

"Do you want to go?" There was a pause before Kayla scowled.

"No. I mean I hate parties. But," she sighed.

"If you wish to go, please don't let me stop you. I don't want to interfere with your life."

"Are you kidding? I just met a parallel universe version of me. I'd never choose a lame party over helping you!"

"You are very kind, Kayla. I just wish I could think of ways to help you help me."

"Well we have got to start looking somewhere."

"Let's head out before the sun sets. But, you're going to need to change first. No one dresses like that here unless they're at a Renaissance Faire or a Lord of The Rings movie premiere." When Kahlan stared, Kayla smirked, shaking her head. "Never mind. Hopefully I have something that will fit you." When Kayla rose to head over to hear closet, the phone buzzed again. But it continued buzzing. "You've got to be kidding me." She marched over and the screen read **Ricky Calling**. "I'm sorry, he's not going to give up if I don't answer him."

"Please." Kahlan gestured to the phone and Kayla put the thing to her ear.

"Hello?"

_"Heyyyyyyyy." _Kahlan could hear the other line respond, she was fascinated by this kind of luxury.

"Look Ricky, I can't go to the party. I'm busy tonight."

"_Kay, look. I know that its gonna be hella loud, and you're gonna be like, trying to nerd out next door and shit and not be able to get any work done. Sooo why don't you like, just come?" _

"Because Ricky," she bit her lip as her brow furrowed. "Parties are stupid and I have a friend visiting."

_"Hey, so do I as a matter of fact. We can all chill."_ Kayla looked to Kahlan who smiled.

"Trust me she'd be just as bored there as I would be."

_"Come on, no one could pass up my new hotty friend Richard. I bet you're friend will think he's hella fine."_ Kahlan stiffened. How common a name was Richard? Could it possibly be her Richard?

"Kayla." Kahlan whispered.

"Hold on a second." Little did either Kahlan know, but Ricky was thinking he was about the coolest person on the planet at the moment as he tried to explain the situation to Richard who was trying to understand what he meant through all the "hellas" "dudes" and "shits."

"What is it?" Kayla whispered.

"I don't see how this could be possible, but my friend, the one I am looking for. His name is Richard." Kayla eyed her for a minute before putting her mouth back up to the phone.

"Ricky, what does Richard look like."

_"Hella fiiiiiiiine." _She sighed, knowing she wouldn't get any useful information through him. Kayla lowered her voice.

"Do you want me to ask for a picture? He can send one to me instantly."

"Only if it wouldn't be a pr-"

_ "_All right, Ricky. Send me a picture of him." Ricky laughed on the other end.

_ "Mmmkaay. Your friend is serious about this man. Hold on a sec." _

"Kayla, I truly hope this isn't worsening your situation."

"Ricky will probably forget most of this conversation in ten minutes anyway. Its all right." Her phone vibrated. And on the small screen, appeared a picture of Richard. She held it up to Kahlan. The photo was small, and blurry.

"Its so small. But that may be him. I would need to see another one."

"Or see for yourself." She held the phone to her ear again. "All right, Ricky. We'll come to the party only if Richard comes too."

"_Fuck yeah. I'm siked. See you later."_ And the other line went silent. Kayla tossed the phone onto her bed.

"It _has_ to be him. With the coincidence of you appearing in my room, this has got to be one too." Kahlan furrowed her brow.

"Kayla, is Ricky a shortened name for another name..." Kayla gripped Kahlan's arm in excitement.

"Oh my god. Yes yes yes. How did I not see this sooner? Ricky is short for Richard. That is no coincidence." Kahlan grinned.

"It must be Richard's parallel Richard."

"Does he have big brown eyes, long lashes? A big smile?" Kahlan nodded.

"That's my Richard." She was also partly amused at Kayla, for even though this Kahlan seemed to despise this Richard, she was still obviously attracted to him.

"This is so awesome. I'm so excited that I'm helping you!"

"And I am so grateful." Kayla grinned and started rummaging through her closet. "What type of party is this, Kayla?"

"A Frat Party."

* * *

_Please review, thank you to __**STforRK**__ for reviewing! :) More to come..._


	4. The Robeless Wizard

"Bro, I've just created the best night of both our liiiiives." Ricky said through a stupid grin as Richard stared at him. He was still confused and wary on why and what Ricky had done when he snapped his photo.

"You sent, some random girl, a picture of me?"

"Not random. She's my friend Kayla's friend. And Kayla, is a hot nerd. So her friend is probably just as hot. And she's all youuuurs." He gave Richard's arm a squeeze then looked him up and down. "You know, I gotta change for this shit. But you gonna be getting all the ladies tonight if you just show up dressed like that." He gestured to Richard's tight leather pants and bare torso.

"Look, Ricky. I appreciate the offer but I really should be-"

"Bro." He grabbed Richard's arm. "You will _not_ regret this." Richard gave him a half smile as he decided it best to get through the night with Ricky. After all, he was his only link in the world at the moment. And he may help him get one step closer to Kahlan and Zedd. "But before we go, I gotta make a quick visit to my Gpa." He flicked his hair from his face. "And lets at least gel your hair or some shit. I gotta get myself ready too, then let's bounce!" Richard didn't bother to ask how they would 'bounce' their way there, and instead silently followed Ricky down the hall.

* * *

Zedd dropped his robes. It was in his own words that their clothing would make them walking targets, and since no one here was wearing any, Zedd was happy to partake in their custom. Now where was Richard and Kahlan? They would most likely still be clothed, they weren't as free as he was in that way. But there was no one fully clothed. Some were partially, or scarcely. But the majority wasn't. Zedd smiled, this was a nice world to have ended up in. The sand was warm, the sun was pleasant, the atmosphere friendly. Then he heard a yell that caught his attention. He scanned the crowd till the yell happened again. He locked onto a naked figure, long gray hair flowing behind him, chasing seagulls about the shore.

"Now he's quite the character." Zedd strolled off in his direction, when something vibrated in his robes. He fumbled in them until his brow sank, his stride went still. That device that had sent them here was there in his pocket. "You little devil." He said, eying the thing. Zedd's long finger accidentally brushed the smooth touch sensitive surface and pressed answer.

"This is the Dollar Tree how may I help you?" Zedd eyed the thing intently. Careful not to move. "Hello?" The voice on the other ended sounded familiar. Sounded like someone he was trying to defeat. Someone like Darken Rahl. But no, it couldn't be. But when Zedd refused to speak, the thing went silent as the voice hung up. Zedd carefully slipped the thing back in his robes and returned his attention to the skipping yelling man. Something about this man, though he was still off in the distance, gave Zedd the feeling that he knew him. And that's when it hit him.

"If I was me but wasn't me. What would I do..." He grinned. "Skip naked chasing sea birds? Sounds like just the thing for me." And Zedd was right. As he neared him, an even wider grin grew on Zedd's face. There, skipping and shouting incomprehensible words was another Zedd. "Hello there!" He called. The Zedd paused in mid skip, eying him carefully. Zedd strolled over to him. "Hello, what is your name?" The Zedd stared and blew a wisp of white hair from his face.

"No hablo ingles." The Zedd quickly said before hunkering down, readying to bolt after a flock of relaxed gulls.

"Right..." Zedd said, amused by this version of himself.

"Don't be offended. Even when you do speak his language, you'll be lucky if you get 1 word out of him." Said a blonde, garbed in a skimpy bikini. Zedd looked to her than nearly gasped. A mordsith. And not just any Mordsith.

"My name is Cara. Are you his twin brother that I've never heard of before?"

"Something like that, yes. The name is Zedd?" Cara shook his hand.

"I'm your brothers caretaker. Saturday's are his outing day, and this is his favorite spot to go."

"Just like his brother, he enjoys being bare as a basket." Cara looked Zedd up and down with her usual smirk.

"Clearly."

"I haven't seen him in...years. How is he, doing?"

"He doesn't change much. Just up to his usual trouble."

"Trouble?"

"Yeah, trouble. Like locking himself in a vending machine or stealing all the other seniors' pills and trying to sell them on the streets."

"Is that so..." Zedd smirked, watching himself roll about in the water than get smashed under by an incoming wave.

"Come here now," She shouted in Spanish. The other Zedd glared at her from the water. "If you want to come here, you have to listen to me!" She continued in Spanish. The old man licked the water than sprinted off after a woman carrying a lounge chair. "Hey!" Cara screamed, running after him.

"Excuse me, sir! This is mine!" The woman shouted as the other Zedd tried to tear it from her hands with his teeth.

"Parada! Que piensas estas haciendo? I'm so sorry mam." Cara yanked on Zedd's arm before mumbling in Spanish about the trouble he was causing. She scowled at Zedd as he swatted at a bird that was high in the sky as if it were a fly.

"He is quite the unique fellow he is."

"To say the least." Cara chucked a sand toy at him and the man bolted with it and started digging at the surface of the water as if it were dirt.

"So I assume you were raised separately, or is he just so 'unique' that he only chooses to speak a Spanish tongue?"

"Yes, very separately."

"I see." Zedd eyed her, still adjusting to the fact that she was not in fact a mordsith in this world and was, a caretaker of himself. He couldn't help but smile. Zedd scanned the beach once more, still no sign or Richard or Kahlan. Zedd being Zedd, he figured the two were also with their own parallels.

"His grandson, is supposed to meet us here. But it doesn't look like he's gonna show."

"Grandson?" Zedd's interest had peaked incredibly. Wherever this Zedd's Richard was, was where his Richard was.

"Yeah. Ricky?" Zedd smirked.

"Ah yes, Ricky."

"Its already 5:30. I don't think he's gonna show." Though the sun was setting, it was still hot on the beach.

"Let's pray that he does. I could use a visit with my great nephew." Cara and Zedd chatted for awhile longer till Cara got a call from Ricky.

"He says he's here. He's with a friend, so look out for two guys in clothes. Ricky isn't the naked type."

"Doesn't take after his Grandfather does he?"

"He sure is as stupid." Cara glanced up at Zedd. "Sorry."

"Cara!" Zedd didn't know whether that had come from his Richard or Cara's, but the voice certainly belonged to a Richard. The two turned about, two Richards were heading their way. But Ricky had on a skull beanie, a red t-shirt and plaid shorts, and Richard was in his leather pants and nothing else but gel that created a Mohawk with his hair.

"I didn't think you'd show." Cara said, her lips tight.

"Sorry, I forget it was Saturday."

"Zedd?" Richard said excitedly.

"Richard, and Ricky!" Zedd said through a grin.

"Wow Grandpa, you speak English now!"

"No. That's your grandpa, idiot." She pointed to the frolicking naked Zedd and the pair headed over to him.

"Richard." Zedd said and the two headed for one another. Richard hardly even took notice of Zedd's appearance.

"I can't believe I found you. Have you seen Kahlan?" Zedd's fluffy brow rose as he lowered his voice.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. Well she can't be far off. So, how do you like Ricky?" Richard smirked.

"He sure is, different."

"I wish I could say the same about myself, I'm afraid if there had been a certain turn of events I could end up just like him." He pointed to the other Zedd, who was threatening to pour a bucket of sand on the other Zedd's head. But Cara was restraining him. Cara?

"Zedd, is that..."

"Yes it is. Don't stare she might get the wrong idea, I get the feeling this Cara is very similar to our own."

"This is all so strange. I expected another world, and strange things. But this? I never expected to see us...here...as other people."

"Neither did I. But I'm glad we found them, if we hadn't I would be ignorant of the dangerous type of situation we are in."

"What do you mean?"

"Parallel universes are not to be meddled with. We need to get out as quickly as we can. I get the feeling that someone in our world was trying to harm us and it backfired. And there's a hunch in my spine whispering to me that the parallel of that person is the one who can send us home."

"Adios abuelo." Ricky said with an almost frightened smile as he hurried away from the other Zedd, who looked about ready to chew his hair off. "All right, lets bounce bro." Zedd and Richard exchanged look.

"We're on our way to a party..." Richard said to Zedd.

"Ah..."

"Lets roll Richard."

"One moment." Richard pulled Zedd aside. "We can't get separated again. Why don't you secretly follow us and try to figure out what's going on. I can't leave Ricky now."

"Do what you need to do and I'll figure this thing out. I'll meet you when the sun goes down." Zedd said in a hasty whisper and Richard headed off with Ricky. Zedd turned around and tried not to laugh when he noticed Cara checking both the Richard's out from behind.

_**Please Please review! :)**_


	5. Darken Ralph's Aid

Kahlan continued tugging at the skirt that clung to her thighs. No matter how much she pulled, it wouldn't get any longer.

"Sorry, I wish my clothes had fit you instead of my roommate's. She likes to dress like a skank. Not that you look like one, just, never mind."

"It's fine Kayla."

"You ready?" Kayla asked, flattening the front of her flowy blouse that was the closest thing she had to dress. Kahlan nodded and the two entered the dorm where people were filing in and out. The music vibrated the floor as they headed in. And Kahlan started to worry she wouldn't blend in, and neither would Kayla. For all the women she saw here were much more scantily clothes than either of them were. "Do you know if Ricky is here yet?" Kahlan said as loud as she could as they passed by a speaker. Kayla shook her head and the pair huddled off in a corner. The sun was setting outside, and the room was growing dark, except for the multicolored light above the designated dance area. Kahlan held onto the straps of her backpack that held her knives and dress, there were so many people about and any one of them could be dangerous.

Before they knew it, the sun had set and the room had turned into a club-like scene. Countless people bustled about with drinks, the music grew louder and almost the entire room was dancing. Well, their version of dancing. Kahlan just made her mind go quiet at all the strange things she was observing. It had been nearly an hour and still no sign of Ricky or Richard.

"I should call him." Kayla said, pulling her phone from her alien face printed purse.

"I don't think you need to..." Kahlan pointed to a table halfway across the room. There was cheering and chanting as the man on top jumped about with a beer in his hand. But he wasn't alone, someone else was getting shoved onto the table. Ricky cheered when Richard was finally forced on the surface. He grabbed his arm, yanking him up as he jumped about before slapping his bare torso.

"Hella fine! What fine lady wants to come have a little fuuuun with Richard?" At the sight of so many womanly hands reaching up towards Richard, Kahlan barged her way through the crowd.

"Yeahhh!" At the sound of so many screams, and so many jumping heads blocking her view, Kahlan quickened her pace and began shoving people out of her way. When she finally reached the end of the table she clenched her jaw. A girl was grabbing onto Richard, stroking his abs. Richard trying to appear happy, but Kahlan knew the false look and climbed onto the table and was followed by a cheer from Ricky.

"Oh competitioooon, or are you for me?" Kahlan ignored him and called out above the music.

"Richard!" He spun about, not even noticing there was now a girl grabbing him from behind.

"Kahlan!" He ran to her, knocking over the two drunken girls.

"Are you all right?" He asked, cupped her face in his hand.

"Yes, are you?"

"I'm fine." He kissed her on the lips which made Ricky jump up and down. "I found Zedd. He should be waiting for us outside." Kahlan nodded and the pair tried to make their way off the table. Richard paused by Ricky.

"Ricky, I'm so sorry. But I have to go." Ricky's brow rose and he smirked.

"Bro, you don't need an excuse when you're leaving with-hey!" He stared at Kahlan and before he could be any more confused, Kayla climbed onto the table.

"Kayla! I'm so sorry, but I have got to go." She grabbed her hand.

"I understand. I'm so happy I got to meet you. Are you going to be able to get home okay?" Kahlan nodded. "Our wizard is waiting for us." Kayla smiled.

"So cool. I hate to see you leave, but I know you have to." Kahlan nodded and pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you for everything."

"Anytime." The two pulled away.

"Hey," Richard said, tapping Kayla on the shoulder. "He may not seem like it, but he truly does care about you." He smiled and Kahlan nodded.

"I see it too. And where I come from, I have the ability to see the truth in anyone." Kayla smiled a little. "And I see there's more to him than, well this." She gestured to Ricky who was bouncing in circles. "You just might have to dig around first. I wish you the best of luck, Kayla."

"Thank you, you too." The two Kahlan's hugged one more time. "You know, I do think Ricky is kind of..."

"Attractive?" Kahlan said a smirk. "Go for it. You'll be glad you did." She took Richard's hand, and to her surprise, Kayla took in a deep breath, spun on her heels and kissed Ricky on the mouth. Richard shouted goodbye to Ricky as the couple hurried off the table and through the crowd. When they finally reached outside Zedd came zooming at them like a hurricane of robes.

"We must hurry!" He yanked on Richard's arm as he passed, leading the pair down a set of stairs onto a sidewalk.

"What's going on, Zedd?" He asked as the wizard's pace quickened.

"I am a fool. An utter fool. Something has just occurred to me that I never should have forgotten. It is nearly midnight and by the start of the next day we will all slowly fade away until every Kahlan, Richard and Zedd in this universe have vanished forever."

"What, why would that-"

"As I said, parallel universes are _not_ to be meddled with. And somehow the consequences slipped my mind. Perhaps I'm more similar to the Zedd here than I thought..."

"Do you know how to get home, Zedd?" Kahlan asked as they turned a corner and faced one of those awful streets again. Richard cringed.

"This device," he pulled the phone from his robes. "The one that led us here is the key to sending us home. And there is a voice that keeps sounding from it, speaking of _that_, location." He pointed to a Dollar Tree store across the road. Somehow, I think our answer to home lies in that building." The Wizard, Confessor and Seeker all managed to safely cross the busy street and hurried into the Dollar Tree. The received many stares as they entered considering their trio consisted of a old man in robes, a young man in leather pants and a brunette in a mini skirt. But they ignored the looks and also tried to ignore the overwhelming stimulus the store brought them. Countless items, most of them they didn't even know what they were, were piled on shelves all about. "Somewhere in here...I think we can-"

"Ricky...?" Called an almost soft but nasally voice from the corner. The trio turned about to see a man heading their way, wearing a green vest, his dark hair shoulder length and tidily kept. As the man neared them, each one of them had to try their hardest not to sprint, attack, scream. Darken Rahl stood before them, with a slight smile on his lips but a look of confusion in his eyes.

"Hey," Richard said, trying his best to mimic Ricky's tone while trying to control his mind at the sight of Darken Rahl, looking so harmless and peaceful before him. "I thought I'd um, stop by to say hello. These are my friends." He nodded to them.

"Hello, my name is Ralph."

"It is nice to meet you, Ralph." Zedd said with a nod, his hair falling in his face.

"Haven't we met...at Thanksgiving the year before last?" He asked, fingering with the price scanner in his hand.

"Oh yes, of course." Zedd said with assurance. Ralph nodded, looking at the wizard incredulously.

"You seem...well."

"Medicine does wonders." Zedd grinned, but his head was spinning about, gathering pieces of information from different parts of his mind, forming together what had caused this to occur. And at the look on Ralph's face when he spotted the phone in Zedd's hand, he knew he had it all worked out. "Does this belong to you?" Zedd asked, Ralph nodded hastily, trying not to appear as he felt. That his phone was his best friend, his only friend. In this world Darken Rahl was a lonely Dollar Store clerk who had stranger anxiety and a fear of kittens.

"Yes, where ever did you find it? I lost it this morning and couldn't find it." Zedd smiled.

"It was just outside. You must have dropped it." Ralph nodded and took it in his hand. "So, Ralph, what is the most recent call on your phone?" Ralph scrolled through.

"Well that's funny, it says I called work. Here, the Dollar tree." The memory of a voice on the phone, speaking on the Dollar Tree as the trio were spat into this world from their own echoed in all their minds. Zedd quickly made eye contact with Richard and Kahlan, loudly clearing his throat.

"Do you mind if you call that number, again." Ralph appeared perplexed.

"All right...but its just going to ring over there. If you have a question you can just ask-"

"Please do it Ralph."

"If you are so desperate." He hit redial and Zedd took the opportunity to play the part of the crazy Zedd this world knew. He screamed something that sounded like Spanish and swiped the thing from his grasp.

"Grab onto it!" He whispered holding the thing out in front of the two.

"What are you-" But the rest of Ralph's words went unheard by the trio, and the man was left with a cracked phone as it hit the floor, and a confused coworker on the other line. Richard, Kahlan and Zedd on the other hand landed with a thud on a cushy bed of grass. Their grass. The threesome looked about and simultaneously grinned at the sight of their own trees, their own dirt, their own sky. Without a growling machine, a cellphone or loud stereo in sight. But something was glinting in the sun.

"The Sword of Truth!" Richard exclaimed crawling over to it. "Why don't you think it came with us?"

"No magic was brought with us beyond our universe. So in truth, you were no seeker I was no wizard and you were no Confessor in that world. And yet we all made it out without a scratch."

"I've never been so glad to be home." Richard said as he fastened the sword to his belt.

"I've never been more happy to be so intelligent. If that hadn't worked, we'd all be dead." Zedd sat up, dusting off his robes.

"What even did happen, Zedd?" Richard asked as he started trying to wipe the gel out of his hair. Kahlan smirked and crawled over to him and tried to help it back to its regular state.

"A grave mistake. I believe that Darken Rahl had been trying to use some form of Dark Magic, by conjuring something from another world such as," he smirked, "Ralph's phone, that would immediately take us somewhere else. However he did not succeed. Instead of sending us somewhere that would result in instant death, such as a world without air, somehow he connected with Ralph or should I say, _Rahl_ph, and the magic got kinked. That's what happens when you meddle with magic and are not a wizard."

"Do you think Darken Rahl will have recogniZedd his mistake?" Kahlan asked, wiping her gel covered hands off on the grass.

"I'm certain he will, but only time will tell."

"Ricky and Kayla, will they be all right now that we're gone?" Richard asked.

"Perfect as a persimmon." Richard smirked.

"Hungry, already?"

"I think we all could agree that a good meal would do us some good. Especially while Darken Rahl thinks us dead." Zedd grinned, his brow raised and the threesome strode off, veering out of the meadow they had first wandered into earlier that day. The reached the crest of a hill discussing all the strange things they had witnessed when Zedd paused in his tracks, observing a flock of black birds hopping about a clearing. "For all the bizarre people I saw today, I am thinking I can truly relate to one man I came across. He reminded me to never let the spice in life go dull." Zedd unfastened his belt. Richard and Kahlan exchanged a look, but only Richard had a hint at what was coming. "Sometimes, the best teachers, are ourselves." And with that he grinned, slipped off his robes, and bolted down the hill, naked and straight into the flock of birds.

"You know," Richard began putting his arm around Kahlan as the pair turned away from Zedd who cackled as he chased the birds too and fro, screaming any Spanish words he could remember. "In a robe, or not, I think he'll always be a crazy old man."

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**_I hope you enjoyed this story! But since it has not gotten very many views, now that it is over I would love you know your thoughts! Thank you for reading and reviewing!_ **


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